(my dad ALWAYS gets so mad at me when i say that, because at any given moment, i have about 43 favorite songs "right now").
sorry that i love my music?
anyways.
i know this song is super popular....which normally bothers me,
because i tend to like the tunes that aren't all over the radio.
however,
this song hits it right on the head for how i'm feeling.
if you really listen to the lyrics, it applies to leaving on a mission.
for me, i'm leaving for a year and a half.
to a new place.
completely new, and quite far from the home i'm used to.
"Hold on, to me as we go As we roll down this unfamiliar road And although this wave is stringing us along Just know you’re not alone Cause I’m going to make this place your home
Settle down, it'll all be clear Don't pay no mind to the demons They fill you with fear The trouble it might drag you down If you get lost, you can always be found
Just know you’re not alone Cause I’m going to make this place your home"
um....
okay....fine...philip phillips.....go ahead and make this song just for me.
go right ahead.
and p.s. who names their child philip phillips?! i bet you think you're SO original there. don't ya?
anyways.
i feel like i could bold every word in this whole song.
and i do-- i bold it in my head.
the road i'm about to go down is completely unfamiliar to me.
in fact, this road is unfamiliar in every, single way possible.
sometimes the fear gets a grip on me,
when i start thinking too hard.
when i start to look at the ukrainian alphabet and it doesn't make sense.
when i go shopping with my family and burst into tears because i keep thinking how i won't be able to shop for so long.
when i think about how hard the mtc will be.
when i think about the huge possibility that maybe my companions won't even speak english...and how in the world will i be able to communicate with them?!
and what if i hate borscht....and that's all ukrainians eat?! "Borscht is the most popular soup of Ukrainian cuisine that got its name from the most important ingredient, beets, called in old Slavic, borscht."
but then,
when i realize how silly and selfish i'm being,
i think of how i'll never be left alone.
how this is the best thing that I could possibly be doing with my life.
how i know that the demons are there... just to fill me with fear.
how i know that i was called to ukraine for a very specific reason.
how i will be lost in the service of the Lord.
how i won't even care that i'm wearing the same five outfits: week after week after week (crossing my fingers that i won't mind that one).
how i will be fluent in ukrainian by the end of my mission.
how much i'll grow those eighteen months.....more than i ever have before.
how i will learn to truly learn to be humbe.
how i will truly learn about myself.
about how strong i really am.
how ukraine will be.....my home.
so philip,
thank you for your wise words.
and God,
thank you for trusting me enough to send me to this new place.
to teach of Jesus Christ.
and the infinite amount of love He not only has for me,
but for all of us.
ukraine. as in the country on the other side of the world. the country that speaks UKRAINIAN?! the place i'll be serving for the next year and a half. (starting in march). crazy. crazy.
and....here's the video.
because i know you want to watch it as many times as i have.
it's six thirty a.m and i've been sitting on this couch for two hours now.
i woke up around four a.m. feeling like it was christmas morning.
...and then i realized my room smelled musty (you know that smell when you sleep with your door closed/windows shut)?
i tried to fall back asleep.....with no success.
so, here i am.
my eyes sting and i'm so tired, but my mind won't let me sleep.
it's wednesday, people! don't you know what THAT means?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
everyone's sick of hearing my whine about waiting for my mission call to arrive.....and i would be annoyed, too.
i AM annoyed of myself...but there's nothing i can do because i have to live with myself every day.
i keep trying to tune myself out, but it's not working.
i just keep annoying myself!
i'm annoyed because today was freaking veteran's day (which i thought was yesterday, due to an overwhelming amount of facebook status' about veterans....whom i love. and appreciate. and respect.) but apparently, it was today. the mail wasn't delivered...which means the postal service will be a day behind? which means that i may have to wait a day longer than planned to get my big envelope in the mail?!
let me tell you, i can't function like a normal human being under this pressure.
you should have seen me today.
i stayed in my jammies, in my bed, with my laptop, and googled everything relating to missions ALL DAY.
youtubing mission call openings, looking up all 347 missions that are currently open (thanks to my dad who feeds my weaknesses....he decided to email me a list of all missions.....he knew i would be obsessively stalking them already).
you can say it's been pretty pathetic.
it is pathetic.
it's not normal, i'm pretty sure?
and i'm sorry that nothing else is circulating through my head.
i'm sorry that nothing else is coming out of my mouth.
i'm sorry, okay!?
i wish there was a pill i could take to shut me up.
i wish there was something i could do to make me not think about it.
i wish there was a way i could transport mail FASTER.
i wish!!!!!!!
i'm going crazy. it's crazy that i will be sent somewhere in the world, just like that, to serve and live for a year and a half!
i have no idea where i'm going, and when i'll leave. would you be a little anxious, too?
probably not.
i'm in my provo room right now.
laurel is sleeping.
i can't....because something smells disgusting...and i can't figure out what it is.
it's like must mixed with some weird smell that i can't quite put my finger on.
i've tried everything to fix it.
i hate it.
fix it?
